…from the other side

How should we like it were stars to burn
With a passion for us we could not return?
If equal affection cannot be,
Let the more loving one be me.

-W. H. Auden


It’s the Blog-versary. I have not been very active since the year began but I’d be getting back into the saddle soon. I thought I’d share the above excerpt from one of my favorite poems ever.

Untitled #53

What do I do now?
With all this poetry celebrating a forever love
Daydreams of starring into your eyes and taking your scent in
What the hell should I do
With all the memories we were going to make
Or the ones we already did

What do I do now?
With all this feelings that I still feel
When I said those three words I meant them
And I still do
All this love and no one to give it to
All this intent but no actions to put them through
What the hell should I do?


i wrote this as a comment on the Great Aku’s blog here.

Untitled #52

today, i remembered your smile the first day i saw you.
the other day, i remembered the taste of your lips when they met mine for the first time.
the other other day, i remembered your scent and how i always wanted to smell it – and just know that you are close, to me, with me.
the other other other day, i remembered you and that was yesterday and the day before and the day before the day before and probably tomorrow as well.
i miss you.
ever still my muse.

with love.
i need suggested titles for my untitled poems.
i promise to use them. the suggested title will be a suffix.
please 🙂

Untitled #51

I wonder

Is this how it’s always going to be?

An unintentional reminder here

A random word there

And I’m triggered – it all comes flooding back

My blood pump beating faster than it normally would

And sometimes, I have to fight back the sudden flood that threaten to break the dams

The box of broken dreams and memories that would never be made still sits there – literally – still unopened

I miss you.

“Some loves lodge themselves in the tissue of being like mercury, pervading every synapse and sinew to remain there, sometimes dormant, sometimes tortuously restive, with a half-life that exceeds a lifetime.”

Untitled #49

Am I to now grieve with you in your grief?
Am I to now pause my wallowing and attend to your pain?
What is this madness where I’m listened to but never heard?
How am I to soothe your pain which is piggybacking off my pain?
“I am pained by your pain”
Your attempt to sign the empathy register was duly noted
You can keep your anecdotes and cute quotes
You will be fine
That’s what you wanted to hear?

Untitled #48

Love is patient, love is kind
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud
It is not self seeking and it is a whole lot more
It’s all sweet and sounds nice until it requires us to be..
Have you got it within..
Have you got Him within..
Saved sinner or otherwise, it’s a mighty long walk
There’s no fear in love, but there is a cross
To fall in love is to create a religion that has a fallible god
Falling for the fallible in a fallen world
What would you get? it’ll go wrong eventually
Can’t take that chance; a real brother moving in silence
Never attached to anything
Can’t love these beings; my time would come quick
The unspoken motto of my younger self..
hi, it’s been a minute since i have updated this. my sincerest apologies to those that follow my blog and have been expecting some posts. i plan to be more consistent on here.
the post above is the first draft of a spoken word piece i’m working on. let me know what you think.

Untitled #44

O, I wish I could just proclaim this and it will be true
O, I wish I could just scream this and it wouldn’t be a boomerang of pain that’d return in a couple of hours, days or weeks
In this journey towards catharsis;
Trying to get over the sudden burst of the seam;
Just when I feel like I’m getting used to this pool of pain;
I am pulled under, almost drowned, by a memory, a song, a place, a poem..
It hurts.
Pain hurts.

Untitled #46

the many shades of uncoupling;
the freedom that tempts one to despise the bounds of love
or whatever you want to call it now;
the give and take of mutual adaptation now seem to leave a bitter taste;
that is how it goes – falling for the fallen on this side of the divide.

that’s just how it goes;
when two shapes merge to become one;
some edges are blurred in the one;
the realizations of uncoupling – finding and feeling that lost edge again;
it’s just one of those things; the bounds and the cross of love.